On Wal-Mart Greeters http://whoisjonray.com/2009/01/13/on-wal-mart... I have been frequenting the Wal-Mart quite frequently lately, as I find it convenient to shop for waffles, Jonas Brother posters and household electronics all in the same place. What Ive noticed is that the stereotype of the quintessential Wal-Mart greeter has been knocked off its rocker.
On Late Night Weight Loss http://whoisjonray.com/2009/01/14/on-late-nig... Im taking January and trying to lose a few L-Bs, given its that season and all. The fact that Im on a 90 day hiatus from booze (i.e. no longer consuming 1500+ calories a night) is helping immensely. But, when youre trying to lose weight, like with any goal, sometimes it just feels like the world is against you. As I walked to the vending machine this evening (yeah, my dieting practices probably vary from yours), I had every intention of purchasing a bottled water and a NutriGrain bar (its the best I could do at 3am).
On 60 Days Sober http://whoisjonray.com/2009/01/14/on-60-days-... So, Ive been getting pats on the back all day long because Ive been sober for 60 days, blah, blah, blah. Obviously, Im recounting this so that youll commend me on the achievement as well. If you want to know the truth, though, quitting booze wasnt really that hard. I just said I was going to do it (quit, that is) and now 60 days later, here I am. But, lets talk about quitting caffeine for a moment. Since I dropped alcohol as a vice, Ive picked up caffeine and run with it. I heart caffeine. It completes me. It makes my good ideas jump from my head onto the page. I am consuming more than fifteen cups a day and a couple (see. 3+) energy drinks a day. My heart is going to literally break if I stay on this path.
On Postcards from Texas http://whoisjonray.com/2009/01/15/on-postcard... If were going to change the way people think about Texans, weve got to start at the root of their information source. These postcards have got to go. I promised to write a bunch of people postcards the other day and as such, I had to go out and buy some. I have never purchased postcards in Texas, because one does not typically send postcards from a city that they reside in full-time. As I went from tourist attraction to tourist attraction, looking for a decent postcard selection, I suddenly realized why the rest of the country thinks were galloping around on horses and tending to our ranches. Every postcard I found conveyed that very image. Weve fallen victim to our own terrible marketing paraphernalia.
On My Lazy Security Guard http://whoisjonray.com/2009/01/16/on-my-lazy-... I keep late hours. If you know anything about me its that Im a bit of a night owl. That being said, over the last couple of years, Ive come to know my buildings night watchman better than most. The relationship is tumultuous at best. Mostly, because we are in a constant battle for creative control. You see, Alfred (my night watchman) is a bit of a scribe, as well. And while he doesnt keep a blog (that Im aware of), he does scribble voraciously into his nightly report log. Guess who the main character is? Me.
On Supposedly Healthy Things http://whoisjonray.com/2009/01/16/on-supposed... We are a society that loves good marketing. If something is supposedly eco-friendly, cleansing, biodegradable, organic, raw, rejuvenating, restoring, revitalizing, replenishing or regenerating, we jump at the opportunity to show it off to our friends. We tell ourselves that we feel healthier having purchased said buzz word products. Its a life decision, well proudly assert. For these reasons, I hope that Whole Foods knows what its doing, as I am one of those people that assumes if it is sold in a Whole Foods, it must be good for you.
On Supposedly Healthy Things http://whoisjonray.com/2009/01/16/on-supposed... We are a society that loves good marketing. If something is supposedly eco-friendly, cleansing, biodegradable, organic, raw, rejuvenating, restoring, revitalizing, replenishing or regenerating, we jump at the opportunity to show it off to our friends. We tell ourselves that we feel healthier having purchased said buzz word products. Its a life decision, well proudly assert. For these reasons, I hope that Whole Foods knows what its doing, as I am one of those people that assumes if it is sold in a Whole Foods, it must be good for you.
On Dropping Things in the Toilet http://whoisjonray.com/2009/01/18/on-dropping... Im going to chalk this up to my slow drift into caffeine/booze-free insanity, but today while using the facilities (i.e. taking a piss), I was distracted by a Billy Mays infomercial that Id been trying to catch the end of and for some reason stopped mid-stream to hurry into the living room and watch it. Ten or fifteen minutes later, I found myself downstairs checking my mail and suddenly, an urge came over my nether regions and it dawned on me, I hadnt sufficiently drained the lizard. So, I scuttled into the lobby restroom and while finishing the business at hand, accidentally dropped a letter in the urinal.
Ive got a big bed http://whoisjonray.com/2009/01/18/ive-got-a-b... I just put together a new bed today. Now that it is assembled, it looks HUGE in my room. Its a king size and this got me wondering, what does a big bed say about a guy?
On Stealing Cups from Restaurants http://whoisjonray.com/2009/01/18/on-stealing... I have a lot of plastic cups in my cupboard. Many of them have mysteriously appeared there, sporting logos from nearby restaurants that I frequent. At what age am I too old to be using these as my primary dish set?
On rocket science, free flight and believing http://whoisjonray.com/2009/01/18/on-rocket-s... When I was seven, I went and saw the Rocketeer at the movie theater. After seeing it, I had no doubt that I was going to build a rocket pack. I spent days, working tediously in the garage; 2-liter soda bottles for rocket cylinders, a half-gallon ice cream pale for helmet. For some reason, I just couldnt get the physics of it right. Eventually, I got bored (rocket science does not have the stickiness factor a 7-year olds attention span requires). But, I knew, if I really wanted to, I could have built that rocket pack.
One reason never to carry cash http://whoisjonray.com/2009/01/26/one-reason-... When armed only with the spending power of an ATM or credit card you will, inevitably, find yourself within the confines of a minimum charge policy. Sometimes the minimum charge is five dollars, while other times ten or even fifteen if an attendant is especially proud of his/her store. Different establishments will have different policies. Regardless, there will come a point when the clerk or checker has tallied up your current purchase total and now, realizing you are below the minimum charge amount, he/she will shake their head from left to right. This motioning of head is intended to inform that you have not correctly reviewed the store policy, which is illegibly scribbled in magic marker on the back of a Flinstones push-pop box to the left of the register, behind the Lucas salts.
